What follows was initially intended to PRECEDE my final statements (being, as they are, “final”), but was moved later since it’s stupidly long-winded.

Now what exactly this IS is a heavily-edited and approximately 60% authentic transcript of my initial reactions to hearing Tool’s HIGHLY anticipated single, the title track off their HIGHLY anticipated upcoming album, “Fear Inoculum”.

 

OK this is it, this is it. Thirteen years of studio-silence, and this is what we’ve been waiting for.

“Fear Inoculum”. “Inoculum”? Like the little speck of bacteria that you incubate overnight for larger cultures?

So like… a little speck of fear that thrives and festers to make a whole lot of fear?

That can’t be right.

A break to enlist the aid of the all-knowing G’o-ogle.

OK almost right. It’s a little dose of fear. Just an inoculum’s worth. For whatever purpose. Infection, immunity, shits and giggles.

Alright, now we know what we’re dealing with.

And… play.

[00.00]: Industrial… metallic noise ascending in pitch, OK. I don’t hate it. And some kinda thick undulating BROAAWWM that bounces between the same three notes. And both your ears. LOVE that.

And oh what’s that DO MINE EARS DECEIVE ME?

CAN THAT TRULY BE THE EXOTIC SOUNDS OF THE SOUTH ASIAN DRUM, THE TABLA, ACCOMPANYING NOTES OF VAGUELY EASTERN MODES PLUCKED ON THE VAGUELY ZITHERY-SOUNDING STRINGS OF AN INSTRUMENT OF VAGUELY ASIAN ORIGIN?

NOW WE HAVEN’T SEEN THAT VERY MUCH IN THE METAL GENRE NOPE NOT VERY MUCH AT ALL IN THE LAST SIXTY YEARS.

I’m not complaining though (because it did very much seem like I was complaining, didn’t it, what with the caps and such), it’s got some serious “Planet Caravan” vibes.

[01.20]: OK those vibes lasted all of twenty seconds we’ve moved on oh look ooh the guitar BROAAWM’s getting MEANER. I like this. And DRUMSSSS the real ones now by which I mean those of the western kind. Bringing the Polyrhythms^TM. Now it’s a TOOL song.

[01.41]: Whoops and there I’ve just tripped over the plodding bassline, playing all those jaggedy accent notes on the off-beats. How could I forget good old Justin? Edit: NOW it’s a Tool song.

[2.01]: Oh, hello Maynard. Aw the BROAWM only comes back when he’s not singing. It’s my favorite part so far.

NOT listening to the lyrics. Because FUCK that.

Tool Rule of Thumb:

Tool of Thumb: All any Tool song is ever trying to tell you is FUCK you or if not that then FUCK The Man and if not that then FUCK society and if not that then FUCK you all over again but now on like a psychological level, couched in a broader lament on the loathsome, irrational and undeniable sinfulness inherent in the human condition (or something), like real Christian shit – WHOA stop the presses TOOL IS A CHRISTIAN BAND.

[2.42]: Oooh the BROAWM’s found itself a little riff. A GOOD one. Goes well with the drums and bass. Damn it’s like these guys are kickass musicians or something. Man I hope they don’t tease me with this sweet sonic synergy for just these thirty seconds and abandon it for the rest of the song.

[3.14]: Oh wait no that’s their MO. Now Maynard’s whisper-yelling at me. I don’t like it. “Immunity”? No just. Gimme that wave of guitars again.

[3.34]: Oooh building BUILDING. We’re BUILDING NOW. On a MODIFIED RIFF yup the old one is shot dead and never coming back aaaaaaand the new one’s gone too. We’re doing this other marginally different one now and Maynard’s gonna do his warbling-with-reverb thing over it. Ooh aah energetic drum fills and heavy power-chords. Very metal so MET-AL.

[4.21]: Oop and we’ve gone quiet. Only got our “unconventional” drums going now. Not gonna lie the culmination of that build was a bit underwhelming. But hey, perhaps that was just a local maximum. And the global is yet to come. Because if these guys make a song with (THE AUDACITY TO HAVE) lyrics like “enumerate” and “mitosis”, how could one (HAVE THE AUDACITY TO EVEN CONCEIVE OF ATTEMPTING TO) describe it without dipping into pre-calc lexicon?

[4.39]: The guitar’s gone back to the same three-note wave, ground zero, and now I’m kinda getting sick of it. Maynard’s singing… along it somewhat. Never straying too far, melodically¸ and thank God because his trajectory seems totally random.

Revisiting and revising the BROAAWM again. Another fun progression yes why not let’s go again it’s a fun ride, right?

[5.36]: Let it be noted that at this timestamp, he said the word “allegorical”. OooOOOoooh.

[5.51]: NEW RIFF WITH LOTTA DISTORTION. IT’S JUST OK FOR RN BUT I’M EXCITED TO SEE WHERE IT GOES.

I’m yelling, see, because it’s LOUD.

Some good percussion and one-note-per-bar bass notes really helping to hype this bridge.

Oh there’s Maynard again. And of course everything else gets totally muted once he comes along. Guitar’s all clean now, but playing the same riff you know what THAT MEANS it means we’re building again oh so much tension ooh I FEEEL it.

[7.03]: Some power chords mmkay I’m liking this. Drums getting harder. Really letting you know they’re there. Some staccato chugga-chuggas on the guitars, I can get behind that.

[7.36]: When will I learn? It all built up to Maynard’s chanting. What’s that you ask? Why yes, we DID just do this FOUR MINUTES ago. But it’s OK because now the guitar’s back! Playing its shiny new riff for all of us!

[8.43]: The drums and the guitar are engaged in a serious debate about where the song should go next, and I must confess, I’m invested. Where will they go now that they’re back where they’ve started? And for the third time, no less??

Oh, that’s right, nowhere. The drums are just kinda hitting a lot of uniform beats and the guitar’s lingering on the same note for uncomfortably long.

Alright all it’s built to is a ruthless assault on my skull. Nothing’s changing except the INCREASING VOLUME. More of the same monotonous rhythm and for some reason really REALLY amped guitar and bass playing the same goddamn notes AND ARE YOU KIDDING ME THE SONG’S OVER.

 

 

#tool2019 or some shit.

– Mans